~intoxicated heart~

there has been few things happening in my life right now, i wish I can tell it all here…but for sum reasons & the circumstances, I cant….

it made me think a lot and ponder on life again….u know, when u termed yourselves as being lucky or unlucky, it is actually very very subjective… a musibah menimpa a close fren of mine, but the musibah came in a form of a very beautiful thing…so u see my point, is that considered lucky or unlucky?

I realized by that incident, the thing that I had wanted most in life for quite sumtime now (but NOT in that way, Na’uzubillah), is actually not easy..snrnya ia sgt menakutkan, dan it’s a big step..n i realized how you have to hv kesabaran yg amat sgt…while I was driving back from visiting that fren of mine, I said to my sis what I think…

I think, I am destined to help people..there hv been so many things that had happened throughout my life that made me believe that now. Sumtimes I even forget wat I had done to help ppl, but my friends wld sumhow remembered them n let me ingat balik sume tu..But that doesnt matter right? cause, yg penting, kita buat atas keikhlasan…bak kata pepatah, lupakan kebaikan yg pernah anda lakukan tetapi ingatlah semua kejahatan yg anda lakukan..ewwaahhhh hehehe ye poyo.

I told my sis, I think that is my Karma. Aku sgt tidak boleh menolong diri sendiri, heran aku…tapi aku sgt pandai membantu org lain n sumhow aku diberi kudrat dan means utk membantu org lain…Now, I truly believed, segala kesenangan, "kemewahan" dan contacts that I do hv now is actually to enable me to help others in need..dan aku sgt bertuah sbb aku mempunyai kawan2 yg berhati mulia yg sggup juga menolong aku dlm menolong org lain…THANK YOU to you, you, you, you, and you. You know Im talking abt you kan babes ~wink!!

and adik aku pon membuat satu theory lawak, n tis is craps la…to those ppl, dun wori, nie bukan ckp memesongkan aqidah..nie just for fun. dia ckp mebi in my past life, aku nie sgt jahat…n aku sambung la mebi la kan…aku biatch yg bernama ***ah..sbb org2 yg nama tu sumhow selalu kaco idup aku skang hahaha..

so in my next life adik aku ckp, aku akan dilahirkan sbg kucing sbb org yg berbuat kebaikan akan dilahirkan sbg haiwan..then aku ckp, takmo la aku jadi kucing jalanan..then she said, " u get NINE lives waaaattt"

ok craps kan? anyway i told my mom abt the conversations n mak aku bising..nie ape ajaran Budhha nieeeeee

hahahahahahha Ok..mom made my day..

anyways…aku heran la..tadi pagi ade la dorg2 nie kat bwh building aku keje nie tgh nak buat marketing pasal banking services..satu pompan nie npk je aku dr jauh lagi terus "akak!akak!"

apaaaa????? Kau panggil aku AKAK????? ko pun npk sama tua ngan aku ko pggl aku AKAK????

HAH!!! terus aku sengih ckp not interested..cuba la pggl aku adik, konfem la aku pun nnt benti jap dgr kan…tak pandai sungguhh!!!

yea yea…in denial…I sooo know!!!

and lastly…aku sgt berdoa yg aku dpt tlg that fren of mine more..more than what Im doing now…..

it’s over before it’s even started….let’s puke blood!!!

YEAYYY

Fu*king JACKASS!!!!

Fu*king JACKASS!!!!

Fu*king JACKASS!!!!

Fu*king JACKASS!!!!

Fu*king JACKASS!!!!

Fu*king JACKASS!!!!

Fu*king JACKASS!!!!

Fu*king JACKASS!!!!

Fu*king JACKASS!!!!

Fu*king JACKASS!!!!

and yeah, I know it’s Friday

Fu*king JACKASS!!!!

I asked M last nite, "M, you’ve known me for a long long time, dr kecik lg….you know what happen to me, the story of my life sume…do you think I’m a bad person? and be honest"

M says, "Jas, you are not a bad person, but I think luck is just not on your side…"

Instantly I feel like a low life.

M has known me for the longest time…How old am I now?? Oh yeah, he has known me more than half of my life…I had a history with the younger brother before, but however, M and me has become good friends since..He was there throughout watever nonsense that I’ve been into…but of coz, sum of the things I cant tell him…

He was like an older brother to me, without being said..dr dulu he will always take care of me and sgt memarahi bila aku melakukan perkara yg nonsense…sbb dia kata i got brain (so much of brain sgt laaa). I know his whole family and all….you might say, who am I kidding, the guy’s got a heart for me..No, we hv passed that stage already…

I hooked him up with one of my baik-est fren…baik as in perangai yg baik, bukan bestfriend…tapi ape nak buat takde jodoh kan…so he is back to being single, for the longest time also…If I am in my hometown, and I m having a night out with friends, he will come to that place just to ensure Im ok…

M knows how to handle me, my emotions, my rubbish…he knows that I need to be told of stuff as well, that I like when a guy is all knowing more than me but with facts and common sense..sbb kdg2 bukan aku tau pons pasal menda2 sume…but he will also accept, my point of view, or at that time im being all knowing more than him hahaha…snobbish kan aku..

tapi, mulut die sgtla jahatnyeeee….die kate je ape die nak…tapi takde la maki hamun aku…its just that the amount of honesty in that is sooooooo overwhelming…takde kias2, takde lapik2…direct jek.

most of the time, I cant accept those if it comes from other ppl, but if its him, I’ll gv allowance, coz I know, it is sincere, with good intention…..If I ever going to tell him how those blardy guys made a pass at me, definitely he will puke blood hahahaha walaupun die selalu laaa gender bias dgn aku….he will yell at me, n i will definitely yell back..but in the end, that’s how we are, n xde heart feeling gitu…kalo ade pon, we’ll keep quiet for a while then we’ll talk again…He is one of the success story that I can tell to ppl…

He was all budak malas (tetapi sgt sgt gorjes before becoming fat, all the girls from other schools wld be drooling when they saw him) during school n he changed into vocational stream in form 4 supaya takyah amek SPM..sbb malas..so dia terus keja wtever not lah…I learn a great deal from him…those days when he used to work dekat kapal kan…he wld illustrate to me how beautiful Penang is at night, coz he will be laying down to sleep from the other side of the laut, on the deck, dlm kesejukan, while looking the island…with all the lampu before falling into slumber…and I cant see before that how the island looks like, as for me, it’s a place where I grew up..it’s just Penang…

after working for a few years, then he realized he’s not going anywhere…I was in Uni at that time…my final year kut…he came to me and told me he is going to change his destiny..he’s going back to school.

Masa tu Kementerian br start that open SPM thingy..so most days, after work, he’ll come and see me and I taught him Maths (not that Im good in it pons). The first time he sit for his SPM, he took 3 subjects I think, and werent good at all…so he took them again the year after and the year after, sampai dia berjaya and at the same time, doing his diploma at one of those colleges…now, he’s earning quite good money, ok to support him and parents…

Walaupun dia tidaklah baik sgt mahupun sempurna atau apa2 yg sewaktu dgnnya, I had always respected him..I had nvr told him this, ever, in all my years of knowing him, as he is the manly man, the macho, egoistic, typical malay kind of guy, who wont admit defeat or watever even if he cant fool me with all the kata2 hebat…I really appreciate him being there for me, and I do wish him, my big brother, luck will be on his side, even if it wont be on mine…

errrr

I dropped my pen in the toilet while kench just now..is that considered malang?

luckily I din plastered the pen with my name, kalo dak, malu seyh….byebye pen…eventho i love you, but there’s more where u came from ~lalalaaa

I wanted to google sumthing but I forgot what was it…haiyoh.kene start mkn ginkgo biloba neh huhuu

you know, one of the shittiest feeling ever is when you are waiting for that sms/call that nvr came…It beats everything….day n nite….day n nite….u cant go by without thinking abt it n eyeing ur mobile…haihhhhh

Mencik tau!

hahahahaha

I went hollidaying in KK for the 3rd time…this time around, with my family, makcharq, pakcharq and pwetty ezane..from 2 may to 6 may.

I came back to office on the 7th, but

I went to Hanoi the next day!!!

Yes, it’s true…I was hollidaying back to back…

Hanoi was good. I came back on 12th may..and that nite I rushed back to Penang at 11pm..after receiving a call from my lil bro telling me my beloved tok abah had just passed away. I reached Penang at 2am.sumone asked whether my car is a mini or kelisa for i drove too fast..definitely la kan…My tokabah….

I had wanted to write abt him…but my makcik nak tido in this bedroom…so i’ll stop…

been crying sampai lebam mata….mama has been holding up her tears, but I know, once everyone dah takde kat sini, she’ll cry rivers…mama yg take care of tok abah….

anyways,issit posibble not to berchenta, no sparks, na-da but going down the road together?? Is there such thing? and successful?