~intoxicated heart~

Benazir Bhutto was assasinated…what a waste.

2007 will say goodbye in 4 days & how did it went for you?

as for me, I nvr thot it’ll be such a rollercoaster ride, macam corkscrew kat genting tu, full of turmoil..I thot end 2005 & early 2006 was hell enuff - got tied up n met new love soon after, made the choice, gave my soul to the devil, been happy,watever lah….little that I know, 2007 is much hellish and that makes me scared (hari ini sepatutnya lebih baik dr smlm)….

my new year wish for 2007 was, for it to be kind to me, nothing too much I thought earlier..if I were to go through all my blog entries for year 2007, it was one big big drama, but again,as for the wish,I guess 2007 did be kind to me, in one frikkin’ twisted way.

2007 made me realized, how easy things can change, how easy a heart can turn, how people will take advantage over your kindness and used it to their own benefit yet pretending like they really like you, how people can be selfish/liar/jerk/womanizer/bitch/arrogant/such puk*mak (take deep breath)…….I used to be sumone who was positive in life, outlook, I believed there’s always a road to redemption, people are not such jackasses if given a chance, when you help people, they wont bite u back, I believed in 2nd chances….such naivette, tsk I know (but pls note the past tense used)

2007 also showed me beautiful souls, people who I nvr thot wld be on my tide, re-discovery of oneself is nvr easy…

2007 made new friends, new enemies, broke a kind soul’s heart…unintentionally….

2007 showed how many babies were made huhuuu and how I wont be anyone’s bridemaid anymore (sorry babe)..

2007 gave me a scare on my liver condition, of my beloved Lisa’s sickness & broken promises, my newly adopted Rory

2007 was when I went to that fatefull vacation with my friends..and honestly, till now I still think of the "what if"…What if I didnt go? What if I dragged the loot too? Will things turn out this way still?

I still think the AB biatch, AS biatch & IB.M biatch are those highest on top of the list…I cant nvr forget. They will always be the bitches, to me..and no amount of kata2 manis on how they are so nice (oh fock them and the mouth that it came out from) & tidak bersalah, they dont do blardy things, no amount of pretty pictures of poyomengadasengetpadatepi pose can change their blardy image of being the lowest low life ever…well..too bad. No matter how much they are trying to potrait that they are soooooo sugary sweet beings wld ever change that fact. The fact that he, he fucked them all. Ok, im getting a bit emotional here..

I guess 2007 did be kind by showing me the true colours of him and the rest…..2007 did be kind to me by showing me, ppl who wanna be friends with u just because u benefit them….2007 did be kind to me by taking me on the road of self healing, made me a stronger person….2007 did be kind to me by showing love cant be pushed (Im sorry dear)…2007 thought me to finally say no.firmly.2007 thought me to hold my head high.

2007 pun maybe buat ade org tersalahsangka at me….after listening to another….i cant turn that back….it’s a lesson to me.

1st quarter was a hell of a mess, 2nd quarter was acceptance n picking up the pieces, 3rd quarter was moving on & the biggest paycheck ever I had recieved (Alhamdulillah), 4th was just being happy by my own….then suddenly, suddenly…..at the end, there’s one small light…..a little one…….

these pictures below showed my recollections of 2007 events….and if u see, I dun hv any pictures between april to june…..coz I dun hv any taken….My physical appearance was bad, haggard…I lost too much weight over too little time…mind at that time, I can put my two hands at my waist band when I’m wearing my jeans n I wear the smallest size..muka pun jadik kecik n my BFF’s mom terkejut when she saw me…she asked "awat jas dah jadi kecut, kuruih n npk gelap abih kat muka tu?"…how lah to answer selain menyengih hehehe but, fret not…i managed to stabilize everything back (I like to believe so lah hehe). I learned what goes around….I believe in Karma.

I welcome 2008 with a cautious mind and a new heart.

I wish you peeps the very best that may be in 2008.

and bye 2007…

"Has someone been putting you under pressure to be perfect lately? Just ignore them"

hahahahha that’s what my horoscope said today

~lalalala

Today came back to office n checked my email, there it was…..the 2nd assesment of my fitness age result!!!!!

and I am at 24!!!!! TWENTY FOURRRRR!!! (do chicken dance)

my fitness age is 24!!!!! err do u know how old i am? so if my fitness is at 24, that’s great man!!!

The company I’m working for did this 2-month-program for fitness, whereby we need to group together and each group will be given their own personal instructor..this program is actually to get our big butts and lazy asses to get off our chairs and workout…dan tidak menjadi lemau…and the company pays for it!!! How great and fantastic can it be???

but before we start the program, we need to do the assesment, to see where we are at…and you know what..setelah berpush ups, bersit ups dan berstep ups, I get to learned that I was at the fitness age of 38!!!!! tak dpt aku menerima kenyataan ittew walaupon byk lagi maknusia lain yg lebih teruk darikuuuuuuu…. my strength was at 22, my body at 22, my cardio was 30++ and worse, my flexibility was at 70!!!!! mak ai! my flexibilty sama dgn org yg berumor tujuh ploh tawun??? this is sooooo unacceptable!

Anyways, after a month of working out, twice a week, with much determination (hehe), I managed to reduce the fitness age, which means, Im much more fitter now, my stamina level is better, my body fat has reduced and muscles had been activated drpd tahap kedormanannya…now my strength is at 18 (lapan belas tawun yewww), cardio at 22, body at 21 and flexibilty at 35!!!! big improvement eyh?

Now I need to go on working out for the next month and then this free sesions will come to an end *wails*

why all good things must come to an end??

I’ve another last assesment in early Jan to see my improvement

but the thing is, by the end of this program, whoever achieve the highest reduction of fitness age, will get an IPod Nano 8G!!! and there’s only one of it!!!!! Haiyohhhh I soooowant!!!!!!!!

anyways, how lah to keep on working out after this ha?ha?

I am so lazy waaaaaaannnnnnnnn…summmore need to pay my own after dat…so cheapo waaaaaannnnn

and oh oh…I bought dis very pinkish (i kan ladylike hehe) dumbells la to do sessions kat umah la kununnye…i wonder how long it wld take me to start using that as one of the perhiasan in my room heheheh

i am too busy

i am too tired

i am too tight up

i am too bored

i am too hopeful

i am too cranky

i am too hoping for the best

i am so swarmed

i am too full of emotions

be kind please.

you know how people smoke?

the way they smoke

the way they light up their ciggies

the way they hold the stick

I had always been one to observe this…

I like to see all the gaya of a smoker

and I do judge them by the way they do that….so shoot me.

you know, there’s big difference from a seasoned smoker and new ones….I can tell they person has been smoking ever since or that person baru smoke just recenly bile dah tua camnie…

I even measure my guys by it…coincidently my guys sume smoker except for 1 (and oh, that guy yg mata antonio banderas tu tapi die tak kira lah sbb bukan jadik pun my bf masa tu)..It used to be one of the main thing i look for…cam poser lak kan….hahaha…and oh, that antonio-banderas-eyes guy thot I only date smokers, so he had wanted to smoke as well….gile poser kan??gigihh seyh

kenapa gaya itu penting?

taaaahhh…

tapi the way they light up tu la yg paling important to me…sbb tu yg akan menunjukkan die adelah lelaki macho ataupun tidak (*yeah rittee!)

sum wld hold dgn jari bengkok, sum wld hold dgn jari straight….sum love to let the stick hang from their mouth, sum wld juz hold….sum wld ketuk utk padatkan the tembakau, sum wld juz let it be…sum like to gigit the stick, sum wld juz kebam ngan lips….sum wld flick the ashes, sum wld gently tap it…sum have purplish lips, sum just not visible and continue to be pinkish…

seeeee?

it is fascinating to watch all these things…u might think i’m a freak, but that is just my thing…

Sum thot I smoke too…I dunno if my gaya shows that I’m a smoker….but I dont smoke.not yet.

Sum said i look like a social smoker….watever it means…but I told them nope.and they dont believe me.

maybe it’s my face, maybe it’s my teeth, maybe it’s just me.

wuttahell anyways…i dun care..ok, i do.

but peeps….adakah gaya itu penting sbb perilly’s cakap gaya itu keunggulan…

Jien is getting married…oh Crap!

he is very the hawt……taken!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had always like tall guys…..My guys sumenye tggi2 belaka…lamp post gitu…maybe pasal aku nie pendek, so sbb tu kut aku tergoda dgn mereka yg tggi…walaupun ada jugak diantara mereka yg bg pendapat kengkawan haku tu still pendek, tetapi the rule of thumb is, if I wear my heels, he must be taller than me..then I am hepi oredi…until, I met this one person…tskk

maybe I like big guys, maybe because they make me feel secured (sbb dorg tggi kan), so kunun2nye dpt menyelamatkan haku di setiap ketika…sumhow I feel safe…the taller, the bigger, the better…until, I met with this one person…tskk

I even once, di zaman dolu2, ade la mamat nie cam suka la kat haku kan…ok tu zaman sekolah k…but for me, he was short..but I dunno how short he was, so I made my sis fren to go and measure him..hehe..OI! discreetly laaaa…bukan la suh amek measuring tape pastu suh mamat tu berdiri tegak pastu ukor..eehh his height ok his height..so die lebey sikit tggi pd minimum requirement, so kunun pas ah but then, sbb die mengata pastu mencarut tok abah haku so byebye laaa..pegi mampus sama kau.pujukla byk mana pon…sampai sekarang pun tanak haku pandang….ok, pandangla jugak sbb mata dia cam antonio banderas camtu (yucks!mau muntah darah kalo adik aku baca nie)..yes ka yes..anak mamu..

pastu ada lagi sorang lak mamat nie…oh lupa lak nak ckp, dorg 2 ekor nie ala2 jocks la…footballer, gagah (yek yek) but short…aku tatau la apa la masalah hakuu…dis other mamat pulak, while I was walking beside him,sbb sgtla dok pikir nak ke tanak kat dia tu n sbb aku nak tau dia tggi or pendek pada aku (aku sentiasa rasa aku ni tinggi hehe) I asked my fren to see from the back, utk tgk sapa kah yg lebih tggi…aku atau dia….n when I turn back, my fren tu tunjukla how much dia tggi pada aku, so ok la kan…keji ke? hehehe..but, it wasnt meant to be kut sbb aku masa tu takble lupa dis one mangkuk…

aku sgt mengada2 in that sense….I like lamposts…masa aku undergrad dulu, my bf masa tu sgtla tgginya…and tau je la kan…dr desa nak jln gi kelas agak jauh kan…kalo pakai payung, konfem2 dia je terkaverr…yg penting skang adelah akuuuuu, akuuu dan akuuuuu….so cam lawak je kene bawak dua payung..tetapi sbg lelaki yg macho, mesti la die tanak pakai payung kan….so, this is what I did, I wld see whicver side the sun was on dan bersinar, if let say, lebih senget ke sblh kiri, maka aku akan berdiri sebelah kanan dia and vice versa..and aku akan jln ikut pace dia supaya aku tak kena matahari…sama jugak kalo tggu bas ke apa, aku akan berteduh ditepinyaa hehehehe..tapi yg sgt best, mamat tu tak sedar pulak fungsi dia sbg pokok aku hehe sampaaaaaaiiii laaa aku dah final year, sbb die grad dulu kan…nope, aku tak keji ~lalalalaa

so aku tggi pun setakat 1.54m…so kire aku kecik je la kan

anyways…..tu suma was on until, I met this one person, who finally can change my view on tall guys…tskkk

Ooooohhhhh I am still sleeeeeeeepppyyyy & tersgt laaa lemau nya di opis ini

dah dua mggu I tersgtla bergumbira dan berparteyy nyaaaaa….

Went to that TARA gathering at velvet..

Went to Cleo Awards

went for a relaxing nite out..

and I also went to that Live & Loud Kl - Whitney nyer laa..

tsk whitney was a let down..but Shaggy was great!!!

had a blast that nite also…

So this week…little getaway to Pangkor pulak…oooooh cant wait!!!!