~intoxicated heart~

Last Saturday nite, he msg me "Kewell is back."

you, pls dun play with my heart….

Did a test on the Cartoon Character Thingy tu, and I am :

Sponge Bob Square Pants!!

You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never want to loose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey it’s funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people then you will be stress-free.

~lalalalaaa

Btw, I slept last nite with the image of Josh Hartnett wearing a purple towel with bathroom slippers (Lucky # Slevin)….just the towel..(ooooooooooooooohh)..Men with bulu perut adelah hawt ok!

another rambling today…

stressed but hepi at the same time..

stressed:

gaji lambat plaaaak dah

work kinda shitty

ppl issue

cant go see perky instructor, coz not driving to work

cant pay blardy cards on time

application for that unwanted card is approved

sleep deprived

utang tak abih2

hepi:

claims akan masuk sekali ngan gaji

smlm party, harini party lagi tp sumenye balik before 11pm lah

rudiku hugged me *panas panas*

I got Sylvia

~sigh~ stressed list is longer than hepi list…

Wise babe told kamales that I’m the type of person yg pandai membutterkan blunt remarks, and also cushion blows…..She told me to be blunt, n I told her I thot I did..Now kamales calls me butter, among other things that seems funny to kamales, which I cant comprehend.

She oso said aku pandai men-generalisekan points yg actually meant for that specific person, especially in my blog. Hence, membuatkan org tu tak reti2 bahse jugak…But I thot I was clear, she asked me back, did that person gets it? Yeah, I guess not…coz sumhow I’ve been writing on and on and on, yet, it doesnt go to their heads…well, only that particular one. or maybe, macam markcharq said, some ppl are just "Hemoi"..u know Hemoi kan? muka tak malu kut….tapi tahla….

oh oh reading back what I wrote on top, eeh ye laaaaahhh…nnt ramai yg perasan aku ckp pasal dorg sbnrnye.aiyoh. not you, not you jugak, bukan awak ok….lemme just say, I’m frustrated with a she (ye, aku lesbo skang, and I bend it both ways now ~lalala)..As much as I respect her integrity, I wld hv thot she wld respect mine, n not using my name to get close to whomever..and to that whoever, I’m sorry babe (well, I know you wont read this, this moment or next even).

I get a lot of that craps since forever, didnt I?

Wise babe, hosmet n sis said, I shd learn not to be nice (shd I be theb*tch instead?). Am I nice?

So, aku akan menjadi sombong….dan juga bodoh (see? Im eating my words now)

I shd’ve listen to him, he had told me wat type of person she is, but I refused, coz I thot it might not be true…but it is.But I shdnt’ve listen to him either..he’s bull too.A big one.

ok.so I might be on the road to PMS Valley now.

here’s my very first shot with Sylvia, not inside Rory though….

My zodiac says for today:

November 22, 2007 - It will only rest with you to reestablish the balance of your budget and to avoid difficult month ends. Beware of certain unscrupulous friends of yours. You’ll feel more and more close to and bound up with your spouse or partner; you’ll entertain excellent relations with the other one. Notable progress in your social situation; what you’ll achieve this time can be deciding for your long-term future. It would be useful to practice a small cure of silence and solitude.

(OMG…caner die ble tau ah?) Scary dowh…exactly my situation right now huhuuu

I think it’s ok now to write what’s in my heart at the moment as I feel more tenang as it is….I do not need complications of any sort at the moment, I just need time and more me to myself. I do apologize to those who I just cant seemed to hv enuff patience to deal with. I want me & I need me..I cant deal with emotional execursions of highs and lows and down under. I had enuff of them already (since I was 11?). Pls do not add in to my stale headache, not yet at least. Thank you.

I’ve been keeping low & quiet for awhile…doing a lot of thinking, (& responded to flirts ~lalalaa), re-setting my priorities once again, gearing up myself for the unknown,which is the future of coz,hanging out with peeps..Picking oneself up is not an easy thing to do,especially if you need to pick other ppl up as well when you are down yourself.That’s why you need to let go of the baggage, at least until you are able to breathe again. Eventho some wld think that’s cruel, believe me peeps, if you dont loose them, you are going to loose yourself & that is even more cruel. hmm, I am so clever in rationalizing & giving advise, don’t I? But I am swallowing my own medicine, and talking only after I had felt the after-effect. Medicine aint nice baybee..

I feel tenang to write down stuff now coz I dun hv that obligation utk jaga hati mereka, juz bcos they read this piece of scattered heart. I had to before & what is the point? I still do need to watch my words…but not bcos of them anymore.

I read this one blog entry, and I feel I can relate to that..I’m cutting that piece and pasting it here, coz what she said really reflects me…

@@@Everything that I felt a year a go seems so far away. All the love and excitement, everything has changed. I am still excited but it is for something else. I still feel love but it isn’t anymore Alex.

No. I can’t say that. I can’t say that I am over Alex. I know that I am not. But a long time ago, life taught me that there is a distinct separation between love and life. Sometimes all that you love cannot be part of your life and other times, all that is in your life has no essence of love.

Many women are victims in the name of love. They do everything for the man they love. I used to be one of them. I believed that love could change everything and love could conquer all. I guess I still believe in the same thing with the exception that I have read the fine print, located on the last chapter of the life contract, right below. The print was so fine, I needed a jolt in the form of a very selfish man who abused me in everyway imaginable.

Since that day I walked out of his life, or rather, asked him to get the fuck out of mine, I believe that love conquers all when the man and the woman involved are willing. You know what they say about “when there is a will, there is a way.”

So what if there is no will?

Then there is no way. @@@

Isnt that the truth??

I was one of those who chases after this one superficial thing called "Love". If I had not wanted it so badly before, I could hv been with a guy who loves me so much, but I dont even hv any feelings towards him anymore, but at least I’m living a life with sumone. Instead, I craved this Love thingy and all I had ever wanted was happiness, in the real sense, not the monetary kind of love nor those figuratively speaking ones…See where it had led me?

But still, I couldnt go on having a relationship (or relationshit, as wise babe put it) with sumone I dun hv a heart for…I guess what wise babe said is true…

@@@sometimes.. we wish the person we love will follow all of our wishes.. even if our wish is for them to be happy.. but it’s not right.. it’s not right because we don’t own their hearts.. & so .. we could never dictate them to be happy all the time or as we wish them to be..

sometimes.. we wish he/she just called so that we know he/she is safe from harm.. or that he/she remember us.. but it’s not right.. it’s not right because the phone works both ways..

sometimes.. we wish that we could undo what we’ve done.. or unsaid what we’ve spoken out loud.. but it’s not right.. it’s not right to do or said things unthinking without being punished for our recklessness in hurting others..

sometimes.. we wish that everything happens the way we want it to be.. but it’s not right.. it’s not right because what is wanted or planned for us could have easily preceded what we’ve wanted or planned for ourselves..

sometimes.. we wish to spoilt our love ones.. & protect them from all the bad things there is in this world.. but it’s not right.. it’s not right because we should’ve love them enough to teach them how to protect & save themselves..

sometimes.. we just want to stay mad forever for the wrong that’s been done unto us.. but it’s not right.. it’s not right because forgiving is a freedom to the hatred we kept inside..

sometimes.. we wish to not hurt anyone.. because hurting others would have found it’s way to hurt us back.. but it’s not right.. it’s not right because we should always be true to ourselves & our hearts..

sometimes.. it’s just so easy to lie.. because lying.. will keep us away from the unwanted truth.. but it’s not right.. it’s not right because truth be told.. the one we’ve be lying to.. is ourselves..

sometimes.. we thought that if we run away.. from all the troubles.. that’s been haunting us.. we thought that it will go away.. but it’s not right.. it’s not right because it won’t go away until we tackle it upfront..

sometimes.. we just want to lie down & sleep.. forever.. death we thought.. is most welcoming at times.. but it’s not right.. it’s not right because living took courage.. it took bravado.. pleasure is in fighting for what makes it worthwhile to stay alive..

sometimes.. we just want to fake that smiles.. that laughs.. that liveliness in our mood.. but it’s not right.. it’s not right because we are entitled to cry as & when we wish it so..@@@

I read somewhere, the reason why we cant forget that person (that we loved so much) is because, that person had taken our hearts..So, I want him to return my heart back to me.I know he’s not gonna read this, but I do wish that my heart wd be returned..It is too much, too long…

When there’s a will, there’s a way

When there’s no will, there’s no way…and that was what happened to him.

@@@taken fron About-Nude-Not-Naked@@@

@@@taken from verywisebabe blog@@@

you think this about me is true?

ade kooot yg betul =)

So not funny….

I fell down from my chair, dekat office ok!!!!!

Pat tawun aku keje sini tak penah lak jatuh kusiiiii

dorg nie gelakkan aku lak tuuuuuu

sakit bontot aku sblh okkkkkk

sbb aku kunun tgh multi  tasking, tgk screen pc sambil ckp fon sambil packing kotak…terrer tak?

aku cabut fon dr charger, sekali nak gerak terjatuhhh seyhhhh

tapi menten ckp tepon dgn vendor sambil terduduk…

\bukan dorg nak angkat aku…bole plak dok gelakkkk

jadi badut plaaaaaaaakkk

tapi takpe…tetap menten!!!

waddddupppp!!!!!

I’m feeling fabuluous wearing my totally new heels today (eventho aku mengantuk gile!)…sanggup aku sakit kaki pakai 4 inches to work (jgn lupa aku kan store keeper)..~lalalalaa

Nways, what did you do on the weekends, peeps?

You know what I did? I was not being a Drama Queen (DQ) that is..

Friday nite, I went off work quite early utk pergi bereksesais secara 1:1 dgn this perky lady who is my instructor..her butt is perky, her racks are perky tooo! she’s toned & muscled but very pretty…haihhhh..

(no no, that’s not the highlight of this entry)

komdian I rushed back home to mandi n grab a bite..Dgn tenaga yg masih ada sipi2 tu, aku telah mengangkat tv yg berat itu masuk ke dlm kereta (with sis help of coz)..at this point of time dah pukul 9.30 pm…hehehe janji ngan minie kul 8..tp kul 8 br terhegeh2 nak balik from eksesais pe citer kan..

so I drove to bangi, n anak pak taib was menemaning me (via phone) all the way sampai la umah minie. Miraculuously, I tak sesat pon! yeayy!!..sampai bebetul depan umah…

So Minie & me letak brg sume dlm keta n zoom we were, off to Pandan Indah..lalalala

aku cam konfiden tau jln jek coz I’ve asked Rina the way from Bangi to Cheras tu..Rina dh ckp, from Bangi, masuk hi-way tu then sampai sg besi, off ikut cheras nyer signbod, then sampai cheras, to gv her a call so that she can navigate me to Pandan Indah..what a pure heart =)

( you know, before asking Rina, I asked 2 other people on how to get from Bangi to Cheras, 1 had said, not sure & another one said, "folo je signbod dr bangi tu" mengong, manade signbod terus2 bitau P.I tu..)

so, minie & me pun happily driving following what Rina told me n we saw that cheras signbod and all…tetapi, kenapakah tidak ternampak pula Desa WaterPark like she said? So calling Rina..fret not, I’m on handsfree…

"Rina, aku dah lepas dah tol n tgh folo signbod cheras tp aku tanampak pon taman air tu"

"ha ye ke? ko bla bla..(ape tah die ckp aku tak dgr sbb aku dah potong)"

" eeh Rina, aku dah nmpk Bndr Tun Rzak"

" ha ko folo je bndr tun rzak nyer signbod tu samapi ko nmpk bndr permaisuri tu…blabblabla"

"ok..blablabla…ehhh Rinaaa!!! takde dah signbod Bndr Tun Rzak or Permaisuri…die kate Ipoh Kuantan Hulu Kelang! patut ke aku g trus lagi?"

"haaaa….jgn2! tu masuk MRR2..takkan takde dah?ko ingat jln mane nie??"

"takde takde.huuu aku folo straight je laaa macam ko kate..cepat! cemane neh?" (korg rs cam drama radio tak? hehe)

" haaaa…kejap2 aku tanye mak aku"

" rina. aku dah turun bwh nie…aku kat ronbot"

"ronbot pe?"

"ade tesco extra kat sblh nie ha…Rina, cepat2..aku tgh pusing ronbot nie huhuuu"

"alamak2…ko ketepi je, park mane2 kang aku g kat ko"

"Rina, aku dah 2 kali pusing nie haaaa"

"nnt aku kol balik (panicky voice)"

so aku just take watever exit out of the roundabout n takle langgar sesape tp was honked at lah..huhuuuu aannnddd, aku tatau jln pe aku folo…kol Rina balik n she pun tatau wat road is that…so aku dgn bijak laksana telah membuat watever U-turn or masuk jln utk dptkan balik, last2 aku benti kat pe.tronas beli topup…Rina called

"jas ko katne skang?"

"aku kat p.etronas batu 5 1/2 jalan (aku dah lupe)"

"haa katne tu?"

"mane aku tau"

" ok ok…aku tgk tgk map nie tp aku taktau la ko kat ne" (oh btw, Rina kat umah die while this conversation was happening)

"aku tgh tanye makcik aku, die dok sane so die tau lebih…hmm pe kate aku kasik number tepon macik aku, ko kol die tanye"

"alaaaa…aku malu la rina, macik ko tak kenal aku…kalo aku salwa lainla…die berani skit (hehe babe, jgn marah)..hmmm camnie la…aku ingat aku patah balik lah jln td"

so aku patah balik…and tetibe jumpe lak lain ronbot n called Rina again

"Rina, aku kat ronbot lagi…tp bukan ronbot tadi"

" pastu ronbot ape? ape signbod die?"

while explaining to Rina, aku dah berjaya tawaf roundabout tu ampat kali…ye, AMPAT KALI..bile nak kuar dr situ, sekali lagi kau, kene honk..tp series bukan salah aku kene brek, keta depan aku ptg cam haram jek huhuuu (still not the highlight of this entry)

anyways, aku ptg skit long-winded entry nie ye, i took back the MRR2 n bejaya jumpa jln ke PI tu…haihhh…masa tu I tink dah kul 12 kut…dr LRT cempaka pun aku ble sesat, sesat gak instead of amek kanan g PI, aku amek kiri ke PAndan JAya, maluri n tah mane2..hahahahhaha

so mase sampai dah umah tu, aku pon SMS Rina n Rina pun dgn leganye lega (pastu aku sms tanye caner aku nak balik g KD lak, penin pale die hehe)…kitorg angkat brg dan bersihkan bilik, n susun sikit n it took us till 2.30 pagi cam tu…so pas kemas tu, minie n me nak balik lah….dah kunci umah sume, masuk kete dgn fenatnye and guess what?

My car wont start!! Haku dok pulas ignition tu ade la doploh kali kut

huhuuuuu apo nie haaaaaa…..(Full Blown Panic!)

shit shit….takde bunyi langsung!…takkan bateri kut, bulan April baru start pakai….shit SHITT!!

I was cursing P***dua left & right sbb aku baru je service kete the day before…

ok kool kool…not to panic di sblh Minie…

And I called dear dad to ask whether it’s battery issue or not..Dad said, could be…(tak plak babah tanye apsal kul 2 pagi dok tanye pasal battery)

sms adik to tell her what happened (sbb pastu kunun plan nak g lepak makan kaan)..adik oso panik..

kalo kete taleh start kat KD, i know la who to call..but nie kat PI…mane aku kenal sesape weyh..

panic..panic! tp dgn tenangnye continue cursing P***dua & sms-ing sesape yg aku rase bole tolong..actually aku almost SMS the whole wide world..tp tak sesia aku benti beli topup tadi kan?

sms anak Pak taib - no reply

sms raver - no reply

sms Rina lagi - huhuuuuu

sms kemmy - sgtla terkejutnye kezen ku ittew…so aku mtk tlg die, coz die byk kwn area situ n die plak tgh kua besukaria…manela tau kan sesape ade jumper mase tu sbb takut pasal batteri kan…kemmy plak try guna connection die yg ade mase tu

nak sms Cafe, die bangse tido off henfon

nak sms kemma, die br beranak n tgh dlm pantang

nak sms bfa, cam tak seswai plak

nak sms kwn2 bfa, cam melampau plak

jesse offered to come n fetch tp susah la plak nak explain dr KD nak carik Nuri Court tu..

tetibe Cafe called (tak tido lak le die), so mengadu laaa kat die…tapi I know die bukan ble dtg tlg pun…ngadu je laaa kan…at least die layan..

tetiba pastu mama called …alamak Babah sudah bitau plak…kene marah seyh sbb tanak dgr ckp sbb nak balik KD mlm tu jugak..

I cant called any mechanics sbb aku tatau any kat area situ, Cafe kate call je yg mane yg aku tau..

Didi called (sis told him), so I told it’s not batteri coz lampu sume bole pasang, aku siap tekan hon lagi..lantak la kan..dia ckp maybe starter, pastu aku tanye starter tu ape? spark plug ke? (ok, I’m a girl!! mana aku tau!!!!)..Didi pun suh call mechanic yg aku biasa pegi tu n mtk tlg, aku ckp konfem aku kene ketok tak hengat nye kan..KD tu dahle jauh…huhuuuu

pastu rina called, ckp sok pagi die tlg, suh tido jap umah kat PI tu…

Kemmy sms back kate kwn2 yg ade kat lua tu takde jumper

Raver smsed back kate die kat subang

This is when a boyfie come in handy…ok tu ayat keji.

then aku pandang Minie dgn bace Bismillah aku pun call la dis one person yg aku sgt bertagak nak kol..he definitely can help tp it was wayy beyond his working hour..and aku pun dah lame gile tak kontek die. Mase nie dah kat kul 3 pagi..

and he answered the call…yeayy!

So explained,explained…aku tanye la ape masalahnye skang…die tanye aku katne, so I told..terkejut gakle die, pastu die kate tggu jap die dtg…dlm 30-45 mins time

aku ngan minie penat gile nie dah…siap tetido2 lagi…lepas kat sejam camtu, he called back n ckp la die katne, so aku bg la direction ke LRT cempaka n we waited..aku n minie tertido lagi..n tetibe aku terkejut bgn after 15 mins n tgk fon aku, eh asl emergency only je nie??

Minienye fon takde pulak…haa sudah..off n on fon aku balik..ok, like 36 miskol ok…huuuuuu TAKOOT! Mase nie dah kul 4.35 huhuuu

kol die, huuuu kene sembor la aku…btw, lupe nak ckp tadi, brader tu dah ckp double charge…ape mau bikin kaaannn..kene sembor gegile…tahan je la telinga kan..die kate die kol aku sampai lebam! so aku ckpla…bukan haku tp fon…seb baik dorg tak sampai mane lagi tu…so patah balik, n sampai la kat aku…

ade 3 lelaki gagah perkasa (1 of them agak hemsem, rupa laki org yg hemsem laa)…and die siap kuarkan alat2 n jumper…sekali brader tu masuk kete aku, die wat ape tah, enjin kete aku dah start!!

Brader yg tidak dimentionkan lagi tu gelak gile…terbahak2…"KAHAKAHAKAHAAk AKU DAH AGAK DAHH! KAN AKU DAH KATE!!"

like, ok, ape skang? aku dah bengong dah nie…siap terkedu tgk brader tu n tanye ape…brader tu dah buat muka menyampah kat aku..brader hemsem plak kate.."ishk mau aku jumperkan die dgn kwn die sekali"

aku tetap kebengongan, ape skangggggggg?

aku dgn tenangnye tanye la brader gelak tu lagi sekali.."kenape bang" (ceh,abg kunun)

"Awak letak katne gear awak?"

huh! still blur

Rupenye aku gear haku kat R, reverse!! Keta aku kan auto, mane ble start kalo gear tak dekat N or P..

amacam? pandai tak haku? Aisyehman, asl aku bole lupe fundamental yg bapak haku ajar kalo pakai Auto neh!

and satu donia aku dah kaco pasal mende nie…

aku dgn defensivenyer ckp kat brader tu, kan aku dah tanye tadi nape mase aku kol, asl tak ckp jek suh tgk gear huhuuu

pastu brader tu terus chow camtu jek ngan kwn2 die yg masih dok gelak..aku pandang minie, minie pandang haku….

haihhhhhh

mase nak sampai KD, dtg sms "you owe me a treat hunny"

ye ye…I know that!

pastu sampai umah terus tido sampai kul 11…pastu maluuuuuuuuuuuu kt sume yg aku dah kaco smlm

seeee????

I am so not a DQ kan? kan?

Shit!

I was in this really good mood to blog abt sumthing warm, nice, fuzzy & funny…and at the same time was on YM with few friends at the same time. Sumhow, sumhow my good mood (bkos I bought 3 new pairs of heels yesterday…broke but happee) soured when I read a line from one of the YM windows, a friend’s chat…

~sigh~

Toleration is key, right?

~sigh (again)~

Can you believe yesterday was my ever first time to Low Yat Plaza, after bertawun2 dah staying here?

hahahahha

mengong…

~~~~~~~~~~

~ooops…I went to chat with my mom tadi…My mood lifted! Yeaayyy!!

~Life is still busy as usual (*roll eyes)…I’m still thinking of what I’m going to do next….I dont like cramping style, suffocating..need sumthing refreshing every now and then..need new adventures and new engagements…..(also new dresses..aiyoh!)

~I soooooo wanna paint my room..dah bape org sebut nak tlg tapi hampeh jek huhuuuu….

~Work is never easy, if you do work lah, if you fake work also is never easy, coz you hafta show like you are doing work…get what I mean?

~I saw Ha*s Isa*c wensday nite and he’s soooooo gorgeous!!!

Yummy!!

~This very expensive and great Restaurant/Bistro hasn’t refunded my money till now.

Buggerrr!!

.

.

Any takers to lepak tonite?

Life had been hectic these days…I dont hv time to parteyy or even take obnoxious, poyomengada-sengetpadetepi pic shots of myself…that was how busy I’ve been.balik umah je padam trus..not even watching the telly ok..

~sigh~

went to see Stardust last saturday..I am so in lurrvee with Tristan..are there anymore guys like him nowadays I wonder? one who stood up for who he loved and guess what,he’s intelligent too!..and nvr letting go of the one (& most important, realizing she’s the one), eventho he was initially running after a beautiful girl (Sienna Miller)…Robert De Niro is soooo deym funny being a wussy hahahahha…you wld nvr guess he’s in that character.. GRRRR!

Michelle Pfeifer, as usual..brilliant!!! she’s the evil witch..and the ghosts, they are funny tooo…

go watch!!!! really!!

and to alatariel, selamat menyambut masuk umah baru Baybeeee!!!!!

I’ll help you decorate okess ~muacksss~