~intoxicated heart~

No, I dont think it’s cemburu, when I think about it last nite…more to ermm…tak selesa kut…this nagging feeling inside the heart..yg rasa cam ada ulat2 dlm hati tu…past were all past, right? but when the past coincides with the current, and the current doesnt seems to let go, what can you do? walking away is an option, right? 1past, 2 pasts, 3 pasts?

Expectation is just soooo overrated. I am being rational here. Takkan nak tggu diberitahu….or must you?

Why words are not enuff anymore?

Why is it so hard to believe now?

**************************************************************************************************

If you had my love
And I gave you all my trust
Would you comfort me
And if somehow you knew that your love would be untrue
Would you lie to me
And call me baby

Now if I gave you me, this is how it’s got to be
First of all I won’t take you cheatin’ on me
Tell me who can I trust if I can’t trust in you

And I refuse to let you play me for a fool
You said that we could possibly spend eternity
See that’s what you told me that’s what you said
But if you want me
You have to be fulfilling all my dreams
If you really want me baby

You said you want my love and you’ve got to have it all
But first there are some things you need to know
If you want to live
With all I have to give
I need to feel true love
Or it’s got to end, yeah
I don’t want you
Trying to get with me
And I end up unhappy
Don’t need the hurt and I don’t need the pain
So before I do
Give myself to you
I have to know the truth
If I spend my life with you

If you had my love
And I gave you all my trust
Would you comfort me
And if somehow you knew that your love would be untrue
Would you lie to me
And call me baby ?

Cemburu..

Cemburu..

Cemburu..

tu antara penyakit hati yg kronik.

Cemburu..

sebut byk2 kali jadi pelik la plaaakkk…mane laaa dtgnye asl perkataan neh..

Cemburunyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..

Babi betul.

betulke babi tu betul?

betul kut.betul.betul.betul…eeee perkataan nie pun pelik aah

macam ketul.

ketul ape?

berketul-ketul.

haihhhh saiko nor hari nie…..

Fly me to the moon….

1. I was browsing thru my pix, doing sum cleaning up…pastu aku ternmpk ade pix bunga dlm album aku yg masa aku masuk spital dulu ( yes yes pasal bisul tu laaa)…pastu aku pon pikir2 sape la yg kasi haku bunga masa masuk spital tu….konfem bukan bopren masa tu, then barula terhengat….bopren adik haku rupanya….sweet kan dia…masa tu terkejut gak masa nmpk he was holding the flowers…my sis dok sengih2…rupanya it’s for me sbb aku kan org sakit…huhuuuuu terharu mak noks!

isnt he the sweetest? (pandai amek ati kak ipaq dia tu ne)…but of ocz la adik gua pong dpt gak la flowers kan hehehe ( that’s the way ahak ahak..)

shwweeeett!!!

2. yesterday me & salwa belagak, lunch kitorg mkn desserts…wuiyyyoooo!!! hahaha macam kenyang jek…mahai ok tempat tu tp seb baik settap..

pi lah melepaks di desserts bar kat Subang P.arade..

3. another lady fren plak nak matchmake kan aku ngan kezen laki die sbb dia kata haku nie a nice laydee(ecece kembang hatikuu)….lawak gile ok…aku takble menerima lah sbb selalunya gheja aku la mengmatchmake kan org ok…feel funny lah…dah tu, tak bitau lak tu….siap pi promote haku kat org tu suma, tunjuk pix suma br bitau haku…huhuuu matilah mak uols….but, am not looking at the moment ~lalala

4. tmrw is 24th Aug, the next day is 25th Aug. 25th Aug. 25th Aug. The day I was given hope. hope that later on rupenye mengarut jek.hope.hope.hope.

Jom gi tgk Sheila jom!

Aduhhhhh!!!

It’s only Monday for goodness sake.

My tyre was punctured ok.Shit.

On a Monday.

No heroes around to help.Shit.

Blardy Monday.

So there I was, dressed in work clothes, very sharp (heheh), crisp shirt & smart pair of pants….afterall, it’s Monday..the day that you wear extra formal..

and I had to change the tyre!!!Shit!!

Blardy kids/bodo mane tah gi letak kayu yg ade paku kat parking lot aku..Damn Damn!!!

So, in the interest of looking cool and still menten, I took out all "equipment" to change a tyre…afterall, dah byk kali sgt kan tgk jejaka2 membantu myself before this utk mengechange tyre…walaupun pastu dorg ajak g minum/mtk fon number/blabla, tp kali nie kat umahhhh…manade jejaka nak tlg, dorg pun lmbt nak g kije…*look for that hemsem AA pilot yg dok tgkt 5*..shit…takde plak..

sms he-man, sms jesse, sms mama…he-man was on the way to work, jesse br pas mandi, mama tgh kelam kabut siap nak g kije…aiyoh…takble mengadu plak…he-man called, yesss, cite2 skit…mase tu dah peluh dah kulit pale, ketiak sume…panazzzz….tyre sume dah kuarkan, sume dah readi…tp kan, shit, berat badan aku plak tak ckp nak menghenyak pemutar skru ittew!

tarik napas…menten lagi sbb ade plak pacik mane tah lalu…pastu pacik tu cakap "KakLong, salah arah tu kaklong..tu nak ketatkan"

"Oh ye ke? patutlah..makasih"

Ok triple shit.MAluuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!

but buat2 ok jek…bengong nyer pacik…dtg la tlg aku tuka, setakat nak tgk samade aku ble buat ke tak ke nak wat peeee…pacik tu mesti chegu skolah yg selalu tggu exam tu kan…sbb die dukung anak sambil pandang dgn pandangan chegu tu jek…bagi je la aku dukung anak ko smntara ko tlg aku tukar tayar…bukan ko g kije pong!

So aku dah bejaye bukak nat tayar

Then Jesse turun…yeaayyy!!!! so mase tu aku dah ble mengawal perasaan….so jesse helped me to change that tyre…the "joy" of living single life in a wierd place…luckily for I hv Jesse *muahmuah hugzz*

Daripada plan nak dtg awal gile kije, skang dah jadi lambat sejam, walaupun still considered awal…

so, kedua2 kami telah berjaya menukar tayar.yeay..bravo! what a picture melihat dua gadis chumel menukar tayar pada pagi senin…

Big deal, so what u said??? hoi!!! it is a big matter ok…to me lah anyway…hehe

huhu…pagi2 dah busuk peluh…tp lantak ah!! malas aku nak naik tuka baju…sbb aku still pasan aku wangi hikhikhik

tak caya meh kiss meh

~lalallalala

Do you believe in Soulmates??

I do.

Soulmates are made in heaven, sum says…

I believe there is one person out there, that is made for you.

How *he is moulded and shaped, juz to suit you… (*he=she=the other person)

How he will say all the correct words, how he always know how to pujuk you, how he always know when u need him, how he knows what’s on your mind, how he knows what’s in your heart, how he can guess your next move, and when he hug you, all your fear will go away; how you can cry on his shoulder, how he listens, how you and him fight but make up afterwards, how you and him debate, how he made you smile & laugh, how he teases you, how he marah you and whatnot…

How YOU will say all the correct words, how YOU always know how to pujuk *him, how YOU always know when he needs you, how YOU know what’s on his mind, how you knows what’s in his heart, how YOU can guess his next move, and when YOU hug him, all his fear will go away; how he can cry on YOUR shoulder, how YOU listens, how you and him fight but make up afterwards, how you and him debate, how YOU made him smile & laugh, how YOU tease him, how YOU marah him and whatnot…you get the drift dont you..it is how you soo clicked together..

But, I also believe soulmates are not always will be together..

Sum, could continue living without even have the chance to meet their soulmates..

and sum, are blessed in having the chance to get to know that other half of their soul…

and that sum, not necessarily understand the value and the greatness of having to found their match in heaven…

be it any reasons, on your part or that other person’s part, or of because sum uncomprehendable (read=stupid, takde dlm kamus ok) reasons altogether..that wont allow you to be with each other…

Who do you consider your soulmate?

I was watching this episode of OneTreeHill, where the handsome suave evil Dan (the father of Lucas & Nathan) was telling his wife, Deb:

"Do you remember the night before our wedding day?"

Deb says," Yeah, you went out during our dinner with my parents and didnt come back that night"

Dan says, "I slept in my car outside Karen’s house till morning, I was thinking, I’m going to make the biggest mistake in my life..Karen is my soulmate, Deb"

Deb says," How dare you.." *speechless*

Dan says, "I love Karen, Deb..but I settled for you. And that’s the truth"

For the sake of those who din watch OTH, Dan got 2 girls pregnant ( Deb & Karen) at the same time masa sekolah. Deb is the beeeyoootiful blonde and Karen is the ok-ok brunette..(why la men kene go after this blonde bimbo thingy pun aku tak paham)…Dan had chosen to be marry Deb and ditched Karen..and that conversation happens apabila both anak2 (*droool ok..sgtla yummy itu nathan) sudah besar and nak abih high school dah..

My point is, you know who your soulmate is, when you met her/him, but sumtimes you made the wrong decision and menyesal later on? after soo many years? baru nak sedar? alangkah dah terlambat tu….u not only broke 1 heart, but 2 (in Dan’s case its four lah includes anak2) hearts…ok, that might be a little too memandang kehadapan but then again, life is not only about short term hu-ha kan?

becoz, if you only care about the short term hu-ha only, it shows how shallow your mind is, you got no vision whatsoever, and maybe, just maybe, that’s why you lost sight of all the greatness you HAD and have and never came to realize, it is YOU who made yourself lose……or maybe you juz deny everything lah for the sake of your pride and egoism.

~sigh~

Coming back to soulmates, is your soulmate your true love?

Kadang2 we thought that guy/girl adalah our ultimate soulmate…macam nak mati je kite punyelah chenta padanya….n maybe we get our fragile hearts broken over that loser guy/girl….and puas kite mengubat jiwa….and juz one day, we might found our real true love…at this point, wld we be able to recognize that and cherish it forever? who we at first thought was our soulmate, was not it…

I dont know.

When we lost our soulmates for watever reasons, and we came to a realization of how chaotic our life has become after that…how that life that we had thought we were so in control of and superior of all other beings, came crumbling down…how huru hara it is and menggelabah we had become, can you humble down yourself and acknowledged that it is your own doings, or wld you keep pointing your own finger to other people or simply blame one person, a scapegoat, juz to have that feel good moments to yourself again?

How superficial that is…….well, this is one BIG superficial life, innit?

True Love

True Love

Is your true love your soulmate?

Dont fool yourself.

Most of the time we wld live our remaining lives with the one we choose, not necessarily our soulmates, but the one we choose…

sumtimes our soulmates are the crappiest person alive or the bunguk-est person ever(!) but he/she is the one…and sumtimes, you juz cant be/ do not want to be with her/him. (ye la kan…dah dorg tu crappy)…

macam lirik lagu westlife "How wld you know, the one you let go, wld have made you complete..yeah"

but, learn to love the one who loves you wholeheartedly and yg ikhlas…or try at least…..

Ikhlas tapi jauh kan skang…(hehe poyo)

I shall not ruin the emotion that I’ve tried to carry in this entry by saying stupid things now…

Tell me, those yg dah pernah rasa what I wrote about or yg tak pernah pun takpa, is your soulmate your true love?

Shit.

I dun hv anything nice to say.

LAy-terrrr!!!!

Could you pls count your blessings?

Could you pls ingat kpd bumi yg dipijak?

Self Awareness is not a waste of time…..

I got this from Jokemail.blogspot. funny la wei, shallow shallow….anyway read on:

"A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watch to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more a attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he’d given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know."

hahahahhahahah

How true is this yea wahai men out there? *think hard*

But then again, which one wld u go for?

she who cares for herself, she who cares for you, or she who cares for money?

You know, this one lady said to me about sumone:

"Jas, *** nak kat pompuan berduit aje"

which now hit me as true…otherwise he wldnt go bragging on how "rich" the girlfriend is, each one of them, when he first fall for them….sad….and unfortunately, I know this guy too….very well….

I thot, guys akan rasa malu if that is true, and will prove he can do better in making money..

And I had always thot, girls are usually the ones to brag on how "rich" their boyfriends are..

Well, watever it is, To Each Their Own. SALUTE!!

I am no good mood today, as rory was hurt yesterday..but I wont be talking abt that juz yet, as I juz got to know this one beloved cat is no longer with the owner…When I read about it, sumhow it breaks my heart too…I kinda missed her so much & after sum unavoidable situation, I dun have any means to play with her anymore….

You see, she belongs to this one guy’s family…and when I used to go to their house, she wld be her manja2 self n wld want to jump up on you..the first I met her, I was kinda scared since she came directly to my toes ( I had a not so good experience with one cat and my toes) so I kinda tried to hide my feet…I do love cats but sumhow over the years, since we dun have them in the house, I was in "biasa saja" state with felines nie…until I met with this particular person..

The thing that really make me remember her, is because, she wld forever try to sit in between me and that particular person..I told him, she’s jealous when I’m sitting next to him and the guy wld laugh abt it..but we did sum observation, and yeah…it is true…she wld try to catch his attention at the same time being nice to me as well…but she’ll keep on nudging him if he tried to ignore her…and after that she wld come n sit on my lap…She loves to nap on the TV set…and she’s one of the berani ones around as well….

I do miss her…I do…..

and this particular guy will always has each of his GFs attached to a different cat of his….

M-> I did wish I can play with you more…

You know, the more we do not want to know, the more people will come to tell you about it..And the more you want to know, you cant find nuts/anything about it at all….Ironic isn’t it??

So on the first part, do you feel like pulling your hair out? Don’t you feel the same about the latter one too?

And, you cant yell to them saying, Woi why are you not being sensitive enuff ha?ha?, and you also cant yell to them saying, Woi, why wont you tell me anything ha?ha?

Most of them are just being honest (my ass!) and some of them are just mean (assholes! Hahaha).

I’m so full of emotions, but of course, it’s PMS (the beauty of being a woman…blame it on PMS ~lalalala). Guys, PMS does not happen during periods, it is supposed to be before periods, coz it is Pre-Menstrual Syndrome, hence PMS…geddit?? PRE means BEFORE not DURING.

Anyways, I was out of town since Tuesday for work…I went to Pelabuhan Dickson…menarik betul…I’ll post sum piccas ok peeps…

However, out of town means out of circle of influence of personal life…so you get more time to think about things and to mull over things, at the same time being hectic doing work, and pretending you are enjoying yourself doing work, coz your boss is there….multitasking is sumthing we do kan?

If you cant multitask, make sure your partner is a damn rich girl or a filthy rich man, so that she/he can provide you means of making your lives easier..you get what I mean?Else, send me an email pls so that I can elaborate to you what I meant. And oh, don’t forget to quote everything I said ok.

The other day I was chatting with a babe-who-is-*cough* -very-wise, we were initially talking about Mr. McYummy then went on to the guys I fell for before, cemana ble terckp pasal tu pun taahh…I actually was bz drooling over McYummy jek but anyways, babe says I was always forever falling for the wrong kind of guy…most of them (if not all haha) are those who need help (my words) and pathetic (her words) hehe…So I was arguing with her lah…How do we know at that moment our choice was not the correct one kan? How do I know he is not Mr. Right? Ok..after that lah baru we know he was Mr. Right Now, but when we fell, we fell hard..tsk! There is no written list of Mr Right’s and so is Mr.Wrong…we go by instinct eventhough at that moment we are sooooo blinded by lurrve….I told her, sumtimes, just sumtimes, our Mr.Wrong is Mr Right for sumone else and vice versa, other’s Mr. Wrong is our Mr. Right…I was getting a bit melancholy dah at this point.. So babe came out with a very wise, wise argument that really put me to a halt and think and want to cry (but luckily, I was in office, so kaver kaver laa skitt)…

She said, “Jas, you really want to know who is Mr. Right?

I said, “yes lah”

She said, “Jas, Mr. Right is sumone who not only put you first, but he also cares about people around you.”

(coz people around us are the ones important to us kan?, so by caring for them too shows that he really care for you and he is not one selfish prat)….now you know why I feel stumped & was about to cry…How true babe, how true…It hit me real hard and this came from a girl who has never had any real boyfie….Immediately I thot of my sis’ boyfie and also my hosmet’s soon-to-b-boyfie (hehe, betulkan?), coz these are the 2 people that I can really see with my own bloody eyes and had real time evaluating this undisputable truth..You know, usually, when you are dating a guy/girl, dia akan pedulik pasal ko ajek, ko nyer safety jek, even if your whoever (friend/BFF/relatives)  is around….like, my sis’ bf, not only he opens the door for my sis, but for me too…not only he bought anything for my sis, but for my family too….not only he protected my sis when there was this fight in a club, he protects me too…you know what most other TYPICAL guy wld do? They wld juz protect you and not the rest, not that you are complaining but it matters more when he protect who matters to you too….and this guy also did not neglect his own family as well, he takes care of his own mom and siblings too….he faces his issues, not run away and makan luar like he has got no balls & start giving u bullshit on the whys…~sigh~

So you see, eventho he has his own nottiness, his own flaws, but what matters most kan?

And with that, I cldnt help thinking about another babe’s bf, who is very much the most Mr.Right and how fortunate she is ( not to say he is not fortunate too to be with her), and soon enuff they will be together legally….and I just wish her happiness forever..I had always seen him and her together before…and also for her immediate other sibling to take learnings from what he sees day in and day out…but then again, we cant change anyone kan without their own free will…kite ble kate kat die, Tengok! TENGOK!!!! tapi tak semstinye masuk dlm pale otak die kan?

Coming on to that note, Mama kata “Riza, sumtimes love doesn’t come with that big bang kind of thing…sumtimes strongest love that stands through time is the one that are built on slowly….yg pelan2 tu….yg dtg over time and over years……kdg2 it takes longer time for you to feel anything with that person, but if you dun gv it a try first, how wld you know?”

Yeaahh, I did saw sum of the living examples and living proofs of what Mama said…but me being me, I cldnt help arguing that point with Mama, “Ma, what if the love never comes, and you are half way thru life with that person? It wldnt be good to cerai2 at the end of the day kan?”

Without missing a beat Mama answered “then it shows you are not giving your very best..that shows you still are keeping those doubts….you be with the person who loves you more Riza, not the one YOU love more, you will learn to love him in time to come..”

~sigh~

Mom knows best kan org ckp…how about Aunties then? Aunties are moms too..My auntie said, "KakLong, if by now you cldnt muster any feelings towards that person, you better tell him..coz you will only hurt him". so I asked that Auntie, "Tapi macik, what if Iza dah being sooo upfront about it and told that person many times?" Makcik says, "Then you better ciao, coz in the long run, it’s not gonna do you both any good"…

But, loving sumone and being in love with sumone are two different things…You might learn to love him/her but you may not BE in love with that person…And, that wld break that person’s heart to realize that but you cant help what you feel kan? But HEYY!! This only applies if no one else is interfering with your relationship lah, when there’s no third, fourth or fifth person yg tgh mengganggu gugat your partner’s feelings towards you….with no kwn2 nyer input as well….this is pure from your heart..

Working in this company had thought me valuable lessons that can be applied in life too, and 1 of them is expectation setting..which I did, which wasn’t going through with this guy, which frustrate me sumtimes, coz that wld mean he wasn’t listening to me…yeah yeah he heard what I said, but did he listens to what I am saying? You try not to crush other people expectations too, but there’s no win-win situation in this matter…What you say will hurt that person, and what you DIDN’T say will also hurt that person….

Persistence…persistence is good, when it is not applied to me..I don’t like “pre-recorded” msg or greetings…Like, the Play button is hit everyday despite things you were telling him/her..the same note.…today is different from yesterday and tmrw is gonna be different from today, so it wld be good to not say the same thing when I whine to you about my day, when you asked..coz it shows that you dun really mean what you are asking but just for the sake of “being attentive” but not really when you said the same thing no matter what the situation is for me, but I understand, coz it meant the same thing to you, but it wld mean you dun understand me…n that I dun appreciate, and in return wld make me a mean, insensitive person…n dun appreciate ur niceness………..

I hate myself right now. I just cant continue doing this. I just cant feel. I just cant be. I hate myself for not being able to gv all out…..I keep on hurting this very person who was there for me….But, at least I dun make any promises right?, I dun say things if I dun mean them, but again, I hate myself for not being able to say “ ………too” but then again, if I do say juz to apease that person, apa lah gunanya coz it wld mean I’m not saying it from my heart.. I know the other person wld love to hear that but then again, I.just.cant.feel. Am I a bad person then? Maybe I am…Maybe I am one of those person who that guy says, those girls who wld be like when they are not with his certain peeps anymore…….Maybe, just maybe….one fine day, I can be…not like them.

You know, previously I fought so hard but at last, I walked away…coz I cant see any point of staying. Nonsense was being fed to me and others…Despite what he is saying to others in defense to himself, deep down, he realized & kept the truth…That, I know…

I am not complaining now..My life is good..if not better. And now peeps, sing to the beat of Justin’s “I cant wait to fall in luuuurrve with you..”

But CASUAL is the key word here baybeee….

No Strings Attached

No Commitment.

No I-Hv-To-Ask-Permission

No Headache

No Sweet Nothing

No No No

Just keep it light & not too heavy coz I wanna be freeeeeeeeeeee

Ok, I know this post reflected a lot of unbalance, contradicting notes, blame them on PMS ok hehehe