~intoxicated heart~

You know, for the past entries I’ve been quite emotional didnt I ? Well, you shd know by now, that there’s always 2 sides of the story. This is juz my side so dont make harsh decision on what the situation might have been..ok frenz? It’s not fair to the other party, innit?

Well, I wanna talked abt sumthing else..Yesterday I got to know that Sydney has an opening for the same position as I am right now. A colleague asked me whether wld I be interested..I was thinking abt it last nite n today too..I’ve been thinking since I’ve made ppl embarassed, angry & sad, would this be the next step I shd take? So that I wont be making them feel all that anymore?

I’ve also been thinking abt the Pros & Cons, which are:

Pros:

1. Those ppl made ashamed by me now can live happily ever after without me intefering with their lives
2. I get to run away again
3. No one will ask me when will I be married
4. Being paid in Aussie dollar
5. No one knows me
6. I’ll be leaving everything behind

Cons:

1. I’ll part ways with my loved ones, family & dear frenz ( eventho they might not love me back as I do them =P)
2. I’ll make my parents & grandparents really sad as I havent settled down yet n need to go away from them
3. I’ll be alone, again.
4. No one knows me
5. I might be killed or rot to death since they treat Asian like a 2nd class citizen
6. I’ll miss everyone and will cry every nite..hahaha

Since I feel that nobody needs me here anymore, shd I be sending my resume and my W&DPs to Sydney’s HR and see how my luck is?

Is there anybody who feels they still need me here?

My last post for today…Me going home early sbb posa n sbb sakit jiwa… buat keja pun memain today…

Me kenot take it dah so me better go bek sleep, like what me do yesterday.

Me wanna wish all Happy Merdeka ok eventho me tak lekat bendera kat Lisa mcam org lain…me ttp ada semangat Merdeka snarnye…

Mlm nie kepada sesapa yg nak berronggeng dan berrempit, me nasihatkan berhati2 ok..

Mlm nie kepada sesapa yg macam me jugak yg dok umah saja, me nak ckp kita adelah besh!

Mlm nie me akan watch the fireworks from my window saje..n will continue duduk kat tepi tingkap tu sampai tatau bila….probably sampai me penat.

Mlm nie kepada sesapa yg baru kawen, me ucapkan slamat mencoba pada mlm merdeka..

Mlm nie kepada sesapa yg terpaksa keja, me ucapkan, selamat bekerja dan jgn stres2, kalo stress benti pi isap rokok sat..

Mlm nie me akan dok sorg tepi tingkap..hosmet me maybe ade kat umah jugak kut..tahla me ponn tatau…

oklah korang, me nak balik….ucapkan supaya mata me tak bengkak lagi dah….

Selamat Hari Merdeka Korang!!!!

It started with just an invitation to a wedding dinner, then it became like this.

Since I got to know they invited me, I told him and had been "memujuk" him all day long sampai malam because he merajuk he cant go too.. I pujuk as if I did sumthing wrong. U think I did sumthing wrong? Did he gave in? Agaknya kalo aku accident n mati mlm tu mesti dia kata I deserve it kan..nak pegi pun sms lg but what did he say? ask him. kat sane pun sms lg…mlm buta balik pun kol n sms lagi to pujuk (?)…

Then esoknya come to work n saw the offline msg..He called me bodo?? Over what?? By going suddenly I had to take on all this?

There goes my mood n my day n my resolution to keep on pujuk-ing…he called me Bodo?? He knows how I hate it when he calls me that! And if I did sumthing really stoopid to be called that is one thing la, but over this??

And of course he knows I’m gonna put this here..of course he’s gonna say pegi mampus or sumthing to that effect….of course he’s gonna say "she thinks i’m so gonna need her, yeah rite"…of course it’s juz an ego streak…I do know my dear, I do know

But I’m juz so heartbroken..Now he’s picking on smaller, less important things to say about and to me..of course that too…

I dont have such an inflated ego to deny that I do miss him…I’m juz heart broken now…..will I be juz another girl for him as the rest were?

He said " Lips says : reluctant, heart say : must, brain say : grateful….I say : GTH "

well..if that’s what he said, then i shd say " Thank you very much. You are definitely coming to hell with me "

peeps, it’s now 6.21 pm on Tuesday and I’m freezing COLD!!!! My butt aint feelin anything baby…So I’m chow-ing now…

bye ppl…..

So, I went. Despite being called "Bodo" (again! But I only got to know this morning), I’d say I am really grateful that I went. I believe everyone else who attended will wanna write abt last nite.

So my peeps, I know you wanna know the whole thing, so here it is:

There’s 6 of us : Me, Liza, Julie, Shahira, EL & HW. The 1st five went together in a car and HW’s sis drop her at KLCC.

We gerak from office around 6.45 n arrive there around 7.10, via NPE. EL was very clever in manouvering thru the traffic to get there on time. Ketibaan is 7-7.45 for us..yeah we are the "VIPs"..Got a car sticker to prove that.But everybody else were VIPs too. Everybody sgtla menglam-up, tersgtla cantek dan very the red carpet ok. Aku dgn baju tak match tudungnya ( sbb bj glam2 suma kat penang huhu), Liza dgn pakai tudung terbalik hahahahahhaha…tu mmg lawak ok..sbb dah kat sana baru dia pasan tudung terbalik..masa turun bawah tu, tgk org dah start Q..mak datin tak mak datin hmmm

so we were at the red carpet..ingatkan dah sampai gerbang nie, dah boleh masuk..rupenye baru mule line…gilo panjang ok

Security agak tight tapi all were friendly..kami sampai at the checkpoint, we had to show the "Kad Masuk". Without it definitely you CANT enter..you imagine ade je org takde kad tu..so they all kena check name kat luar..malu deh org tau kite takde kad.so dah ade kad tu kena beratur lagi kat kaunter yg berlambak2 org tu utk konfemkan seatings n amek gifts. Satu hal lagi..Well while waiting dptla tgk artis2 masuk…hmm..not highlight of my nite yet.

Kitorg sumer dpt split tables, 2 each ~sigh~..So i choose to seat with Liza..spt yg aku agak dah..a bit jauh from the tngah2 where the dais n high table were. so with all dat, aku telah berbuka posa pada pukul 8 lebey..agak rasa nak pensan..eventho dinner starts around 10 tp dorg dah sediakan kuehmueh n air laici (seb bek bukan air sirap merah tu ok)..Then after sumer dah masuk, they announced it’s now free seating (sbb ramai gak org tak dtg)…So all of us move to a closer table to the dais lah…Still not highlight of my night.

I tell you the room is very very beautiful..tak macam dlm tv yg korang nmpk gelap dan hambar. Masuk je bau wangi sgt..fresh flowers…all whites..mmg fairytale effect ok..mmg sgt sgt cantik..aku tatau la nak describe caner dah..

well the flow of event after you guys wld know dah kan kalo korg watched from tv3 last nite. I agak starstruck jugak la smlm sbb sebelah2 meja aku suma artis ok…but since aku nak kena jaga imej company depan shahira n julie hahaha so aku taleh berkelakuan jakun tehehe…rasa macam nak jalan je amek pix dgn bebyk artis spt org lain itu..yg penting aku nak amek masa Kris Dayanti nyanyi sbb leh amek depan2 seh..n Hetty Koes Endang n Uji Rashid ~sigh

So I saw Marion Caunter, Fifi, Amy Search, mamat afrika yg main tabla ape tah nama dia tu, anita sarawak n hubby, Wah Idris, Nash,JFK, Rafar sisters with their BF, Ruhil with Hubby, and yezzz HOTK!!!! yez adikku dan didi oi! I met HOTK !! and the very HOTK ok…very the yeyek..nmpk macam gigo yg dah expired or bapak ayam yg sgtla murahan ayam2nya hahahahahha  still not the highlight of my nite..

So when everything ended, kami pon bergegas nak kuar where Siti n hubby was standing saying gudbai to everybody.. I Saw Ziana Zain..since depa tu jauh sikit so aku pon nak la snap a pix with her

then kami kena tggu the sultans all kuar dulu n followed by VVVIPs..

ya ya..watever. I like this man and respected him. I believe he’s one of the best leaders..Sure he got mistakes but who doesnt!

So mase nak kuar tu, we all tgh berhimpit dgn EL bekos he manage Siti for my company. So betoi2 masa we all dpt gerak pi depan Siti, dis 1 stoopid lady came in front of me n Liza n the security cut us from going to EL..LORRRRR..EL pulak br nak kenalkan Siti to us " These are my 3 colleagues….(dgn muka terbengong2 carik kitorg yg kat blakang)" Marah sgguh aku! But anyway aku pon dah bersalaman dgn Siti n si K itu..

So mase dah kuar kat luar tu pun aku ade amek pix sape tah nie…hahaha aku amek je sbb byk lak media dok intvw die n aku amek gak pix baju siti sumer

Tetapi my highlight of that night is actually dis last one…All sakit kepala, sakit jiwa dan segala2nya worth it bekos of dis….

weeehoooo!!! walaupun muka aku sememeh dan sgt penat tapi aku pueh ati dpt amek nagn dayang…DAYANG I LUV UUUUU!!!

DAYANG!DAYANG!DAYANG!!

at dis point aku tak dulik ah kalo dorg nak kata aku malukan kampeni ke hape…hahahahahaha

Well…all in all it was a great nite! Kamu jangan nak jeles ok!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To those who actually din allow me to go juz bcos they cant go too…pls la..Dis is a kompeni thing, I din banned you from going anywhere if I’m not going oso kan…it’s like not letting u go for, erm let say ..Company Trip to Melaka juz becos i cant follow..It’s a company/ work thing for goodness sake!! n to call me things after that? hmm….think abt it

aku actually refuse to blog abt Siti as suma org pun nak blog pasai dia..tetapi Siti telah memberi 3 invites kepada kampeni ku utk wedding dia, 1 invites = 2 pax means altogether 6 org lah..Which I think terlampaulah kemut sbb kampeni aku byr dia mahai sgt okayy!!! 2 brand lak tu dia endorsed! Not even 1 table bg kat we all…haih!EMO!!

Anyway, since depa2 kat ofis nie takmo pi, so that Dept tepaksa mengajak kami2 nie..depa paksa aku pi but the thing is aku posa today!! Posa ganti lah…so depa nak gerak at 6.30…aku rasa cam malas nak pi sbb semata2 nak mkn saja…konfem seat blakang, baik aku tgk tv saja…bagaimana haaa???

aku tak sampai hati nak kata no, so what shd I do? pi atau tak??

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate my life.

~hmmm..cantekkan different sizes..

Last wiken I went to K.Bharu for Hasni’s Wedding. Aku supposedly menjadi pengapit die ( aku nie keje asik jadi pengapit jek..tu sbb kot jinx tak kawen2 lagi ~sigh)..Akad nikah is on Saturday nite & Kenduri on Sunday noon..Both Hasni & Rashid are my friends, so they asked me & him to be the pengapit..

Me & die drive Saturday morn after a very big fight ( ~sigh lagi) and dlm kul 8.15 centu and tetibe me got a msg frm Hasni,

"K.Reza, my dad passed away last nite dlm 10 lebey." ( Err..die mmg panggey aku centu)

I was really shocked as I know her father takde sakit ape2. Terus la kol Hasni, she was crying dlm fon tu. Me try sabakan but what can u really say. I told her to hang on and I’m on the way there dah. But since me nor him penah drive gi sane, kitorg sampai a bit late lah but YAYY!! Ratu Sesat ini telah tidak sesat ke K.Bharu!! We arrived around 3 sumthin..

Sesampai Hasni terus peluk me and cried and cried and cried. She didnt get any sleep since the nite before. She cant accept that her dad prepared everything for her but he went away, forever. Her eyes were so swollen. and to imagine that her dad passed away just before Akad.

That nite, they were sitting down and eat, and her father was telling them all abt the flow of event for the next day, then suddenly just fell on Rashid. Just like that. Rashid picked him up and drove to the hospital but they pronounced him dead on the way.

I’d say Rashid is very very good man. He was the one who brought the father to the hospital, went to the morgue, went to the police station, went to the doctor’s house, argued with the doctors when the 3 of them refused to go and just sign the letter, brought the family back, hold them, cleaned the house, mopped the floor, arranged the furniture, for his own wedding…the rest of HAsni’s siblings were just lifeless..The Mother was crying.

Rashid felt that the Father has just passed his responsibilities to Rashid ( Hasni is the 1st daughter). He felt so sad as he said he didnt get the chance to celebrate Raya with him. And this is a huge dugaan for him. Whether he is able or not. And he actually cried too.

Not many men will be like this. I’d say most of them will walk away. Or, just take care of his own wife only.

But not Rashid, I believe so. He had wanted a family and his father in law gave him one huge one. Hasni has 4 more siblings that are still schooling. Luckily the mother is still working but gaji cikgu byk mane la sgt.

So, it was a sad, sad day…but nevertheless..manage to take sum pix ..(spt biase la) Hasni does smiles every now & then..I really wish them happiness ever after!!! To K.Hasni….

And me with Hasni:

Me & him:

1. SUKETI AKU AAAAH APE AKU NAK LETAK.BLOG AKU!! KALO STOOPID ENTRY PONN, BLOG AKU. TAK SUKA SILA BUZZ OFF!!

2. tadi Rine baru kol, sgt sian ngan die…Rine is colleague of mine. She masuk dis company juz 1 month before I got in. Quite close to her at first but then lg rapat with her sis later on. She was engaged then but now got married dah. Same age as mine. She got 1 kid now, going to be 2 years old dah. She pregnant now with 2nd child, due end sept. When she got her 1st child I was sooo happy for her…dahle anaknye very the cute & pemanis. But when she told me she’s pregnant with a 2nd child, suddenly all dawn on me, hey! she’s my age n she’s having the 2nd kid already! ME??What do I hv? Nuthin!! Haiyyo..But I’m really happy for her, I really like kids. But then a few weeks back, she told me her baby is songsang. Die atkut jugak kan nnt deliver, she went beurut tp same je..tp takde la die menangis to me macam juz now nie…she’s anaemic pulak nie..n tmrw br nak pegi hospital university..She is so scared..this baby is a girl which mmg die nak sgt…I really hope evrything will turn out ok for her.

3. Since I changed my YM online status

Bro & PA & Ipan pun sebuk la bertanya…eheheh

Conv #1 :

Bro: macam marah at somethin’ saja..
Me: apo?
Bro: marah nie marah
Me: hahahahah
Bro: sapa mata keranjang?
Me: burok sgt ka my new hair ah?
Bro: x lah
Bro: look like shakira’s duplicate (amek ati aku la tu)
Bro: my sis is shakira!!!
Me: hahahahhaha
Bro: so
Bro: sapa mata keranjang?
Me: u think?
Bro: hm..
Bro: do no
Bro: don’t know
Me: heheheh
Me: then tak payah tau
Me: ~sigh
Jafni Abdil: oic..

…
Me: window taleh bukak so i dunno
Bro: i’m guessing that somebody from ur office is mata keranjang
Bro: right?
Bro: giv me a clue la..
Me: nooo
Me: not anybody in my ofis lah
Bro: do i know dat guy?
Me: not necessarily
Bro: huk alo..

Conv #2 :

Ipan: aiyo..sape yg mata keranjang
Me: huhu
Me: sesape yg terase
Ipan: hehe
Ipan: sib baik i tak terasa
Me: hmm…baguih la
Me: hahah
Ipan: wait..what is mata keranjang means?
Me: mata bola keranjang
Me: tahlaaa
Me: watever it means la
Me: i’m pissed
Me: hah!
Ipan: aiyo..
Ipan: i tanya kwn, dia kata mata keranjang means lelaki gatal
Ipan: betul eh?
Me: maybe
Me: i dunno
Me: u guys mata keranjang kut
Ipan: if macam tu..maknanya kat my IC patut ade tulis kat bawah tu.."Mata Keranjang"
Ipan: haha
Me: yes plis.tenkiu
Ipan: aiyo..u really pissed eh
Me: soriii
Me: sgt pissed
Me: u there?

Ipan: yep
Ipan: work?
Ipan: why sgt pissed?
Me: friendster is really no good lah
Me: ~sigh
Ipan: hehe
Ipan: me discovered that long time ago
Me: i actually know that fact
Me: juz thot can handle it
Ipan: u know u can handle it..
Ipan: just don’t go and see the thngs that u don’t want to see
Ipan: ut i hv to say..me kinda miss friendster
…

Ipan: hey..u know what i do when i feel shit
Ipan: play some coldplay..and read the chicken soup stories
Me: coldplay?
Me: not my bowl of soup
Me: me tensen kena go out
Me: drive around jln yg tak byk keta
Me: then can soothe me n my mind sikit
Ipan: well..that works too

Me: y sum guys are juz plain shallow ha?
Me: belajaq pandai2
Ipan: hehe
Ipan: macam my friend kata "belajaq 4 tingkat, buduh 14 tingkat"
Ipan: hehe
Ipan: hmm..shallow guys..i honestly don’t know
Me: such a visual creature
Ipan: hey..on behalf of every man in this world, i say thanks
Me: tapi bila their woman macam tu cant accept lak
Me: stoopid
Me: not necessarily means u lah
Ipan: yes..me sokong..stoopido
Ipan: em..may i say some man, maybe, just don’t know, maybe, how to express their true feelings
Me: how sad…
Ipan: they feel different way, but say and act differently
Ipan: i thnk god made men like that, just so the world and our life will be much colourful
Me: n guys supposed to be straight forward creature
Me: colourful??puhleaasee
Ipan: hey, i’m a man, and in some way i need to defend my people, aite
Ipan: hehe
Me: ya ya
Ipan: ok..i totally agree some guys suck
Ipan: i happen to know a couple of them
Ipan: they really suck!
Me: hahaha
Me: manage to bring out that anger in u

…

Ipan: but look it this way, if semua lelaki pun sama je, straightforward and not shallow, then there will be no varieties in this world kan
Ipan: ur guy will be the same dgn other girls guy
Ipan: u don’t want that aite
Ipan: so..let me borrow the words of lennon.."let it be, let it be"
Ipan: hehe
Me: hmm..
Me: variety yes
Ipan: (seriously dunno what the heck i’m talking about)
Me: but y oh y it gotta be sumone i know
Ipan: now that’s the beauty of it..god want you to have varities of friends!
Ipan: hehe
Ipan: and another thng, if that sumone u know is not shallow, then u n i will not having this beautiful conversation..
Me: ya ya
Ipan: y don’t u go ask the guy "hey guy, why so shallow?"
Ipan: and i bet u he will not understand what u mean
Me: ah i know the answer
Me: i’m a man
Me: lagi shallow jawapan tu
Ipan: haha
Me: i hate it when men answer like dat
Me: like they hv no brain
Me: as if that is the ultimate answer
Me: duhh!!!!!
Ipan: i can’t recall me saying "I’m a man"
Ipan: maybe i’m not a man..
Me: ahahaha
Me: then?what are you??
Ipan: u don’t wanna know
Me: reaally, i wanna know

Ipan: this is not me saying i’m a good guy or anythng
Me: yeeaah?

Ipan: but whenever i heard sumone say "i’m the man"..i just want to say "i’m a man too, so what the #*$@?
Ipan: ya..that statement "i’m a man" is plain stupid
Ipan: next time, if ppl say that to u, why don’t u go.."la, u r a man? i thought u r a cow or somethng"
Ipan: hehe
Me: hahahaha
Me: u made me laugh
Me: really laugh..Thanx bro!
Me: yeap, it’s juz plain stupid innit
Me: i’m gonna write that in my blog today
Ipan: hey, that’s an honour

Conv # 3 ( or one sided conv actually)

swordzxx: sama la macam intoxicated
swordzxx: pakcik punya la tunggu bila intoxicated nak datang meeting
swordzxx: rupa2nya intoxicated pun kata2 manis
swordzxx: tak sampai pun..
swordzxx: apsal ayat atas tu…
swordzxx: macam kecewa jer..
swordzxx: idup nii best
swordzxx: serious
swordzxx: benda yang tak best sebenarnyar adalah pemeriah untuk menghangatkan suasana..
swordzxx: just terus jer senyum

Okkaayyy…Watever la…tp tenkiu sbb concern dgn aku…

wehh…aku nak balik..sok sambung lah

opis aku today telah mengadakan First Aider Drill dan aku adelah 1st aider ok, certified! (footnote: sila jgn mengalami apa2 kecederaan dgn sengaja)…anyway,

tetibe pabile aku tgh kushuk bekerja, aku telah terdgr bunyik org batuk dgn begitu kuat sekali, rerupanya John kekunun choked..suma bangsat2 di situ telah membuat muka tidak tahu/ blank/muka ternganga dan tidak lupa juga kepada yg senyum dan ketawa sampai lah mereka sedar bahawasanya itu adalah betul (drill) dan telah menjerit memanggil Zaid utk melakukan Heimlich Manouver whereas mereka yg berada di situ yg patut bertindak dulu.. Duhh #1 ~sigh~

den selpas makan tengahari pula, ketika aku juga masih kushuk, tetiba saja terdgr suara dan sumone panik…ooh si YH pula yg jatuh.Mereka juga distu telah berkelakuan seperti Duhh #1..menjerit memanggil2 Zaid, kalau la si YH adelah betul kena electric shock maka telah mampuss lah dia disitu..Since mereka tidak nampak Zaid, maka aku dan K.Pah tepaksa bergegas utk selamatkan, padahal kami berada dihujung opis dan ada lebih dr seploh org di situ…Sudah tatkala itu haku tgh menghadapi chat yg sgt hot & steamy yg ketika di ala2 kemuncak. Haihh…sgguh potong (sila jgn perfikiran biru dan kuning ok) kerana tepaksa bergegas dan meninggalkan chat partner aku kesorangan…Pabila kembali mengechat, maka sudah ilang lah perasaan yg sgt hebat itu..Duh #2 ~double sigh~

utk pengetahuan semua, saya merupakan first aider yg bertauliah, saya ade certicate utk memprove kan ye..

korang tau, instead of helping me to help YH, the rest tu buleh pulak dtg senyum2, or make fun…the poor guy dahle bersusahpayah belakun dgn mate terkejip2…leh pulak dorg dtg ckp kuat2,

"I pour water on his face, can ah??"

"hoi YH, dun la blink2. Close ur eyes!"

"He act ah?"

"Eh, y he lying there?"

"Put minyak angin quik!"

haihhh…org2 pandai ini….